‘Thank goodness we are rarely forced to live by our wits and own devices,’ says columnist
Go back in time to an episode of 24 and read the next line in Jack Bauer’s voice.
“The following took place between 8:37 and 9:45 p.m.”
Picture it: A Saturday on a wintry January evening. Winds are howling.
Two sisters are watching old movies (like from the 2000s) when, without flicker or warning, the power goes out. Complete darkness and silence.
Why is there always that few brief seconds when nobody says a word? It’s like we are wondering if a serial killer has cut the outdoor wires, or if maybe it’s weather related.
When it didn’t quickly come back, the two of us sprang into action!
Well, one of us did. One of us was stuck suspended in an electric chair. Not the kind on death row, but rather a La-Z-Boy recliner.
The conversation went like this:
Sister: “I can’t get down, I’m stuck. The chair won’t go down.”
Me: “OMG, no because it’s motorized. Try swinging your legs over the side and climbing out.”
Sister: “The side table is in the way. Help me!”
Me (laughing hysterically): “I can’t see you or the chair!”
Sister: “I got one leg free. I can roll out.”
Whew! One crisis averted.
Now to find the emergency items, which are supposed to be kept in a logical and convenient location for easy access during an emergency.
Yeah, they were not.
Me: “I know we have dozens of battery-operated candles. Good thing we didn’t take our Christmas décor down in a timely fashion, eh? I know I got new batteries because I got boxes of them for Christmas. They’re still under the tree. But, I can’t find the tree. Do you have flashlights?”
Sister: ‘Yes, tons, but I took them all down to the basement when I was cleaning the pantry making room for cookies.“
Me: “OK … there’s flashlights on our phones. I used it once at a concert. Let me find the button.”
Sister: “How do you find that?”
Me: “I have no idea. Is it under settings? Do I Google flashlight? Oh, I can’t Google without internet, which we don’t have because we have no friggin’ hydro.”
Sister: “Do I look for a flashlight picture?”
Me: “I don’t see anything looking like a flashlight, but here’s an upside-down triangle … Hey, that worked!”
Let there be light!
Me: “Let’s find out if the neighbours are in the dark, too.”
Sister: “The landline isn’t working. I’ll send a Facebook message.”
Me: “We have no internet. Try texting.”
We determine, in time, that it was a widespread local outage.
I start to think of things we could do to put in time since there’s no way to know how long this is going to last.
Let me explain: We were at a home in the country. I wasn’t allowed to open the fridge in case the outage lasted weeks and all our food was ruined.
I was dissuaded from using the bathroom, as flushing takes hydro when on a septic system.
I’m not entirely sure this is accurate, or just my sister wanting me to suffer.
So, there could be no hot coffee or warmed up food without a microwave.
All the delicious salty and sugary snacks are long gone.
No television, no radio, no heat, no lights. Books are a bit useless at this point.
I come up with the most logical and wise suggestion.
Me: “Want to talk?”
Sister: “Hell no! I’m going to bed.”
All of this drama took place in just over one hour when we were restored to full power. One hour!
Yes, I know. We are pitiful.
The lights all came out like it was the Las Vegas Strip and the television blared back to life. That’s because we had the volume up to 80 because we can’t hear the mumbling of most of today’s actors.
So Laura Ingalls we are not.
Thank goodness we are rarely forced to live by our wits and own devices. In the dark, figuratively and quite literally.
However, I do think we’d be quite fetching in nice bonnets.
