“For a long time, female pleasure has been treated as something that should just happen if you’re with the right person,” explains anxiety and relationship therapist Shelly Dar. “When it doesn’t, many women assume something is wrong with them rather than questioning the situation, the pace, or the lack of communication.”
Dodd, as Francesca, captures just how isolating it can be. How it can feel as though everyone else is doing it right while you are failing. Panic, self-doubt, and embarrassment set in.
Adds Dar, “There’s also still a strong cultural script that centers penetration and male pleasure. That leaves many women feeling confused or embarrassed when their bodies don’t respond in the way they think they’re supposed to. Shame grows in the gap between expectation and reality.”
Bridgerton also captures just how hard it can be to actually bring it up, whether it be with friends, family, your partner—or even in your own mind. Francesca would rather fake it than delve too deeply.
“It can feel exposing on several levels. With friends, there’s often fear of comparison or feeling abnormal. With partners, many women worry about hurting feelings, sounding demanding, or upsetting the balance in the relationship,” Dar says.
“A lot of women have learned that being easygoing and desirable is safer than being honest about their needs. Staying quiet can feel less risky than opening a conversation that might feel awkward or vulnerable.”
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Ultimately, as real as Bridgerton may get with Francesca’s feelings, it is still a fantasy. It’s a version of Regency-era London where the clothes are always pristine, the hair is always flawless, the men are always yearning, and the sex is always good. Or, when it isn’t, where your partner is faultlessly gentle and delicate and open and kind about it all.
