Lily Allen has the Zeitgeist in a chokehold. She read the room. She grabbed the moment, she bottled it, shook it hard and popped the cork, and now the thing she created is spilling out in a great fizzing cascade of rage and chaos, and nothing can stop it because West End Girl is wildly good fun and exactly what we needed. We are lapping it up. These songs! This vibe! That man! Pour another glass of it, hook it into our veins, we are here to binge – boundaries be damned.
If I sound a little breathless, don’t worry: I rein it in before I meet Allen at her London flat. I have a hunch she’d be confronted by an effusive outpouring of praise IRL, and I feel she’s too complex or cynical or British to handle my love for her latest album with the tight smile and ‘thank you so much’ that comes naturally to a different breed of celebrity. I think I know her, and that, as she explains later in our chat, is a familiar problem.
I was right about the in-person compliments (she finds them awkward). But watching people’s love for her work from a distance? Bring it on. She lost two weeks of her life scrolling through Tik-Toks of fans crying, screaming, throwing up as they listened to the album in real time when it came out last year. She was fascinated. ‘I don’t know if it’s great for the soul, but it’s good for the ego,’ she says, tapping a single cigarette from the pack of Parliaments she keeps in a glittery acrylic case. She smokes carefully, savouring every drag. She has no plans to quit.
Alana O’Herlihy
Dress and corset, price on request, both ERDEM. White gold and diamond earrings, and matching ring, both COCO CRUSH by CHANEL FINE JEWELLERY
Her dark hair is in a messy ponytail, short choppy fringe styled just like it is on the already-iconic album cover. She’s had work done, that’s no secret – she writes about booking a facelift on ‘Just Enough’ and has spoken about her motivations for a breast enlargement in the past. Whatever, who cares – she looks good, Bambi-like with those big brown eyes. She’s really quite beautiful, glowing in baggy jeans, a faded T-shirt and grey cardigan.
‘I don’t know if it’s great for the soul, but it’s good for the ego’
We’re in the kitchen. Behind her the wall is covered in framed photos of her two daughters [Ethel Mary, 14, and Marnie Rose, 13]. The space is small, calm and quietly stylish. What’s the female equivalent of a bachelor pad? A home for a single woman, her kids, friends and family that’s all soft edges, good lighting and scented candles. It’s cosy, safe. In other words, the opposite of that obnoxious New York brownstone she shared with her ex-husband David Harbour, immortalised in the title track on the album, and via the Architectural Digest house tour, which has since gone viral for the obvious tensions in the couple’s dynamic.
Now, she’s in a good place in every sense: ‘I feel completely in control,’ she says, stubbing out her cigarette in an ashtray. The difference with this record is that she has a distribution deal, not a contract to produce three other albums like it in quick succession.
The album emerged fully formed on 24 October without so much as a whisper of a single or a PR campaign. At 40, Allen isn’t interested in following the ‘rules’ of the industry or releasing West End Girl with anything like the same pace or pressure that labels expected of her in the past. She explains that it needed to be consumed in its entirety and in the right order for the full story of her marriage breakdown to land. It’s also for this reason that she’ll be performing this album and this album only on tour, so don’t go expecting a cheeky ‘Smile’ encore – it’s not gonna happen.
The live performances, which kick off in Glasgow in March, will ‘feel more like a Broadway-esque one-woman show, with really interesting set design. There’ll be no band and no dancers,’ she tells me.
Alana O’Herlihy
Jewellery, COCO CRUSH BY CHANEL FINE JEWELLERY
West End Girl was recorded over 10 days in LA, when she was ‘trying to figure out what the f*ck was going on’. Being away from home, in the sunshine with friends, gave her space to make sense of her relationship. I ask what she learnt about herself while creating it, and the answer, honestly, is ‘nothing, really’.
‘I was processing things that were happening at quite a traumatic period of time. I don’t think that it’s a particularly self-aware record. It’s a really angry record. And it’s a lot more about rage directed towards other people. It’s not really about self-reflection.’ This is why it’s a good album, she suggests. ‘I don’t think it’s trying to solve any problems.’ She does concede that there’s one song on it, the final track ‘Fruityloop’, ‘where there’s a snippet of accountability. That was all I was willing to give at that time’.
West End Girl is Allen’s fifth album release. That it was a smash hit, with more than 150 million streams and a UK and US tour that sold out immediately, came as a surprise, not least to the music exec who, she tells me, was worried the themes of polyamory and open relationships were not ‘universal enough’. Ha!
‘I feel completely in control’
The first review she read was the FT giving it two stars; her heart sank. Fifteen minutes later, the love from fans and the critical acclaim came flooding in and she could finally exhale. ‘When I wrote this album, I spent about eight months being absolutely terrified of what was gonna come back at me,’ she says.
Alana O’Herlihy
Top and shorts, both SIMONE ROCHA. Heels, SCHIAPARELLI. Gold and diamond earrings, matching bracelet and gold necklace, both price on request, all COCO CRUSH by CHANEL FINE JEWELLERY.
Are people stopping her in the street to share their stories of open relationships gone bad? ‘Yeah. It is f*cking insane. In my Instagram DMs, I get loads of women telling me really graphic stuff. Literally like, “My husband will be f*cking me in the ass while he is texting other women.” It makes me feel so shit.’
She wishes she could respond to everyone, help people with all their problems and save their marriages for them: ‘But the reality is I can’t do that. All I can do is write some music that hopefully they identify with and makes them feel less alone.’
West End Girl arrives at a time when polyamory and open relationships are becoming more widely explored by the heterosexual mainstream. The release of Miranda July’s All Fours in 2024 paved the way for a new approach to co-parenting and monogamy among married women who realised, in their forties, that maybe they never actively chose this life. Allen is half-way through reading All Fours herself – it was one of the books thrust into her arms by well-meaning friends when she started talking to them about the new shape of her marriage.
‘It’s really f*cking prevalent, and for some people it’s really enjoyable and exciting and for other people it’s not,’ she says of open relationships, adding: ‘I have a lot of queer friends, and when my relationship started to change my gay friends in New York said, “Oh, I didn’t know straight people were doing this!” I was like, “Neither did I!”’
Alana O’Herlihy
Top and skirt, both FENDI. Gold and diamond bracelet, and matching ring, both COCO CRUSH by CHANEL FINE JEWELLERY
When her ex-husband first suggested the idea of seeing other people, she did everything to understand how it could work, even meeting up with Molly Roden Winter, the author of More: A Memoir of Open Marriage, for advice. She learnt about the psychological concept of limerence – an involuntary state of unrequited intense obsession with another person. But did she actually want an open relationship? If it wasn’t clear from her album, no – and ‘it’s not something that I think I would necessarily explore again’. She was contorting her own needs and desires to fit her husband’s idea of happiness – which, she suggests to me, has been a recurring theme.
However, something happened recently, in the aftermath of that destructive marriage, which changed everything and means she’s sitting opposite me today, feeling the best she ever has.
‘I was on a retreat’, she begins, settling in to do what she does best – telling stories. During one particularly mind-expanding meditation session, ‘I became hyper-focused on wanting a cup of tea for about six hours, and wasn’t able to ask for it. It was really fascinating. I wanted this cup of tea, and it was me and this guy in the room and I just could not ask for it. I could not ask for it!’
‘I started to practise asking for things from people, and it has completely changed my life’
Eventually she did and, of course, he said ‘Sure, what kind?’ Allen told him: ‘“You have no idea how painful it was for me to ask you for that cup of tea.” Obviously, it was a metaphor for not being able to have my needs met. But it was also incredibly profound, because afterwards I started to practise asking for things from people, and it has completely changed my life.’
I ask for an example, and she tells me about calling her friend for help in taking her daughters and six of their besties to Winter Wonderland. It would have been ‘hell’ on her own, she says, but whereas in the past she might have thought, ‘You decided to have children. It’s your daughter’s birthday. It’s your responsibility to take the kids to Winter Wonderland on your own,’ now reaching out for backup meant they had the best time. ‘It sounds so stupid,’ she says, laughing and shaking her head, maybe still not entirely comfortable with having her needs met, ‘but it has completely changed the dynamic.’
Alana O’Herlihy
Dress, ERDEM. White gold and diamond necklace, COCO CRUSH by CHANEL FINE JEWELLERY. Heels, VALENTINO GARAVANI.
It doesn’t sound stupid; it’s relatable to so many of us, and it’s why West End Girl has resonated with people who have had all kinds of life experiences. The themes of settling, of repeating bad choices, of not feeling you deserve a happy and calm life are, sadly, universal. ‘It did feel truthful,’ Allen agrees. ‘I think that if I’ve learnt anything about myself from it, it’s that rage is powerful and necessary, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing to express. In fact, repressed rage is arguably more damaging.’
During the marriage, Allen felt isolated in New York, far from her closest friends and family, whom – as is often the case when a toxic relationship consumes you – she inadvertently pushed away. But they waited for her, and when she came back before the album release, they rallied around, ‘distracting’ her from the heartbreak. Is she a good friend now? ‘I don’t know if I’m particularly good at being present, just because my phone’s blowing up at the moment. I think my friends are getting a bit annoyed ’cause it’ll take me five days to get back to people, whereas a couple of months ago I would’ve responded within two minutes.’
‘I have ADHD, so it’s really hard when things come in and I’m overloaded with information’
She’s trying to be better with time management. ‘I have ADHD, so it’s really hard when things come in and I’m overloaded with information. I’m a very loyal and responsible friend. I want to be able to give all of the people in my life exactly what they deserve. But sometimes my brain goes off and gets distracted and then I’ve forgotten about that person I need to reply to.’
Alana O’Herlihy
Dress, DRIES VAN NOTEN. White gold and diamond earrings, matching necklace, price on request, and matching ring, all COCO CRUSH by CHANEL FINE JEWELLERY
She rebuilt her long-standing friendship with Miquita Oliver during their hugely successful podcast Miss Me, which Allen left last year to focus on the album. Also, while she loved the chats and connecting with fans about topics such as celebrity weddings, indie sleaze and orgasms, she didn’t love the newspaper headlines that took the pair’s nuanced discussions out of context, or the death threats she received as a result of them.
Allen is no stranger to being at the sharp end of public scrutiny. Her personal life, which has encompassed the tragic loss of a baby, divorce, addiction and eating disorders alongside a hugely successful career as a pop star and theatre actor, has been splashed across the pages of the Daily Mail since she first made a name for herself as a singer on Myspace in the early 2000s.
Despite the unhappy marriage to David Harbour, she enjoyed her time away from the spotlight living in the US with him, where she could go more under the radar. She used this quieter professional period when she wasn’t acting or releasing music to focus on being ‘a very present parent and being home when they got back from school, cooking them dinner and doing their homework with them. I wanted things to feel relatively normal. I was happy in the sense that I was doing what I wanted to be doing for my kids. Whether I felt creatively fulfilled or not is another thing completely. I didn’t manage to find the balance between the two’.
She is glad that she gave her kids those six years of consistency and stability. ‘I think that it’s paid off. I have a really good relationship with them. They both trust me implicitly, both come to me with their problems, and we solve them together.’
I can’t help but ask what the response to West End Girl was like from fellow parents at her kids’ school. ‘They were there when I was in a really tough spot – they could see how drawn I was and how withdrawn I became and how skinny I got and how sad I was. They’d come and pick up their kids from play dates and I wouldn’t come downstairs. I’d be in my bedroom crying. And so I think this album came out and they’re all happy for me.’
‘I know nothing is permanent and that these things come and go’
You might think that Allen would be wary of stepping back into the spotlight, but this time it’s different: she’s controlling the narrative. ‘Oh, I love it,’ she says, laughing softly. ‘I love that it’s about my music. I like that people are talking about me again because I’ve done something they think is really good. I’m super grateful that I’ve been here before and that I’m sober this time around. I know nothing is permanent and that these things come and go.’
There’s a bit of sadness about it as well, she admits, ‘Because I wish I’d had the life experience that I have now the first time around, as I would’ve been able to handle it better. But that wasn’t the universe’s plan for me. I was 20 years old and I had no idea who I was. You’re trying to figure out who you are and then there are very loud voices going, “No, you are this. You are this person and we are going to tell everybody that this is who you are.” Those voices were much more powerful than mine was, and that felt quite suffocating.’ She now has ‘a whole ream of young pop starlets in my phone asking me for advice’.
It’s really no surprise that under that kind of public pressure, Allen, like some of the younger stars she’s helping today, developed unhealthy attachments. I ask what addiction feels like for her. ‘A need to escape myself. And to find something to help me with that.’
‘Why do you need to escape yourself?’ I ask. ‘Because myself is unbearable. Unbearable. And alcohol and drugs numb you to that. So does sex, food, spending money, conflict.’
She has been in recovery for a number of years, which teaches you to take each day at a time and put energy into helping others. Now, she admits, ‘if I have an addiction, it’s to material things. I don’t believe that I am worthy of the things that I have in the world or money that I make, so a part of me tries to get rid of it. And designer goods are a really good way of doing that. I also feel titillated by the idea of running out of money. It drives me.’
Most recently, she bought a Porsche 911 Carrera (‘I feel a bit silly, but also I’ve always wanted one’), a painting and a Brent Neale emerald ring. ‘I don’t like to be too comfortable,’ she says.
‘You’re happier on the edge?’
‘Yes, but that’s not healthy. Because if I felt like a complete, whole, full person, then I would think I was worthy of having a nice house and paying off my mortgage and doing the weekly shopping.’
Alana O’Herlihy
Shirt, ONE/OF
She tells me she ‘really likes pretty things’, and has an extensive archive of fashion pieces, collected over the past 25 years, which her kids will have full access to ‘when they’re the right age’. Allen also recently walked in the 16Arlington x Antony Price show. ‘Lily is a friend and someone I admire on many levels. She’s lived, she has evolved, and she wears that experience with intelligence and humour,’ 16Arlington founder Marco Capaldo later tells me. ‘The amazing thing about her is she’s always completely herself. Calm, assured and very funny. Lily doesn’t chase relevance, and that’s what makes her so compelling. She represents a woman who has grown in public, learnt from it and emerged more self-aware and creatively free.’
‘I’m genuinely psyched and excited for the next couple of years’
The sun has set behind the tower block that Allen’s apartment looks out over. We’re coming to the end of our 90 minutes together; could I ask for another cup of tea without it being too loaded? She has to prep for her SNL performance the following week and, as she disappears downstairs to find socks, I sense the defences are back up. She doesn’t need more friends. And I don’t actually want my favourite pop star to be people-pleasingly ‘nice’. I want her to be clever and funny and not boring. I want her to keep writing killer songs. I don’t need a hug goodbye or another cup of tea.
‘Lily,’ I ask finally, ‘do you feel free?’
‘Yeah, I do. I feel liberated,’ she says. ‘It’s a really nice feeling. I’m genuinely psyched and excited for the next couple of years. And I try not to think about the details of it too much. But what a gift to be at the age I’m at and for people to be connecting with my creative output in this way, and for me to be able to take it on the road and for my kids to be able to watch me do it. And to be able to get paid for it. So yeah… It’s f*cking great.’
The March issue of ELLE UK is available to buy from 5 February.
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I’m genuinely psyched and excited for the next couple of years.
