Percy the Pig at Ralphy’s Retreat says ‘if you’d like to skip the dating drama and go straight to being my financial supporter, I am currently accepting sponsors’
While some might turn to thoughts of chocolates, flowers and romance, not everyone likes Valentine’s Day.
For Percy, there’s a simple message he’d like to convey: “Love stinks. Hay doesn’t.”
You see, this mature gentleman is a resident at Ralphy’s Retreat Animal Sanctuary near Waverley.
And unlike most of the other crew who are always up for a gentle ear rub or a quiet chat, Percy definitely moves to the beat of his own drummer….as long as that drummer is performing a never-ending drum solo and not in a band since that would involve interactions that weren’t entirely food motivated.
While Percy doesn’t reveal his age on the sanctuary’s Facebook page, he does note that he’s “mature enough to know better, yet young enough to still cause problems.”
Percy prefers that life isn’t overly taxing.
He’s not looking for walks on the beach or in a forest brimming with nature, but rather quiet sojourns limited to his food bowl and back.
He enjoys a simple life with a cozy home that’s filled with ample straw and blankets…some of which feature children’s designs not normally associated with a man of his profound stature.
But Percy’s quite clear on his relationship status. He’s “emotionally unavailable, but snack motivated.”
Tired of all that lovey-dovey nonsense?
Well, so is Percy.
“I enjoy quiet nights ignoring everyone, aggressively redecorating my space with straw and making intense eye contact until snacks appear,” his Facebook profile notes.
“I am not here for romance. I am here for personal growth, dramatic sighs and possibly a nap in your general direction.
“I believe in honesty. If you bring treats, I will like you. If you stop bringing treats, we will both need space. I don’t do candlelit dinners. I do ‘stand near the bowl and breathe heavily until dinner happens’.”
But his hobbies aren’t limited to food and/or comfort.
According to his profile, they also include: Judging you from across the barn; rolling in things I cannot legally explain; pretending I don’t care (I care about snacks); Anti-Valentine’s Day activism and being extremely handsome by accident.
His profile notes that Percy’s “ideal match would be someone who respects boundaries, understands that love is temporary, but snacks are forever, and doesn’t mind a little straw in their hair.”
His ideal match must also “appreciate a strong, silent type with a soft spot for belly rubs he will pretend he doesn’t want.”
According to Percy, his turn-ons range from fresh bedding and full bowls to “people who mind their business.”
His turn-offs include: “Sharing, cardio and emotional vulnerability before breakfast.”
But on a final note, Percy says that “if you’d like to skip the dating drama and go straight to being my financial supporter, I am currently accepting sponsors. It’s less complicated and comes with excellent karma.”
For more information about Ralphy’s, click here. To learn about volunteering or sponsoring an animal like Percy, click here.
