Hayden Panettiere has been acting since before she could walk — or talk.
Now 36, Panettiere is opening about her decades-long career in her memoir, “This Is Me,” out May 19.
The book contains details of Panettiere’s life, some of it public knowledge due to her time in the spotlight. The “Heroes” actress comes out as bisexual and reveals her mother’s influence on her career, also sharing invasive incidents she experienced in the Hollywood industry and details of her romances with fellow actor Milo Ventimiglia and former professional boxer Wladimir Klitschko.
The memoir also touches on the darker aspects of Panettiere’s life, including her parents’ public domestic abuse case in 2008; her own abusive relationship with her ex-boyfriend Brian Hickerson who was served with a five-year restraining order in 2021, along with her struggles with postpartum depression and alcoholism; relinquishing custody of her daughter; and the 2023 passing of her beloved younger brother, Jansen, whom she dedicated the book to.
Here are some of the biggest revelations from Panettiere’s “This Is Me.”
Her mother’s controlling nature over her acting career — and the lengths she went to book roles
Panettiere’s mother, former soap actress Lesley Vogel, was the one who got Panettiere’s career started as baby model. Later moving into commercials, Panettiere recalls her mother’s anger when she failed to book a role, referring to her as “a perfectionist” who allegedly superglued a fallen tooth back into Panettiere’s mouth so she wouldn’t lose a job.
Vogel leaned into Panettiere’s tomboy tendencies when necessary, such as auditioning for “Remember the Titans,” but generally pushed her daughter towards more “girly” outfits.
Panettiere says her mother came to her “Malcolm in the Middle” audition, telling her to ask star Bryan Cranston to come speak to her after the audition. An embarrassed Panettiere tried to refuse, but Vogel, who played Cranston’s onscreen wife in the soap “Loving,” insisted. Vogel asked Cranston, “Isn’t she good?” to which Cranston replied, saying they would make it work, and Panettiere got the role.
Another incident popped up when Panettiere recounts her brief stint on “Panic Room,” before the media reported she had dropped out. She says that when Jodie Foster replaced an injured Nicole Kidman, Panettiere was told by her mother that the producers wanted to recast her role as the lead’s daughter, fearing that Panettiere and Foster did not resemble each other. Panettiere – who had already finished her camera tests, along with hair, makeup, and costume fittings before being recast – was told the real reason she was replaced by her manager years later.
“The director spoke to Mom about cutting my hair so I would look more like Jodie Foster, who’s always rocked a great bob,” Panettiere writes. “Mom said no. It was a deal breaker.”
Coming out as bisexual
“I’ve never told the public I’ve been with women. And I say ‘been with women’ because I haven’t fallen in love or had anything beyond sexual relationships with any, though I suppose that could happen someday,” Panettiere writes. “But I have been attracted to women just as long as I’ve been attracted to men.”
The actress recalls girls “making sense to her” even as a child, and the first time she experimented with a female friend, when she was around 8 or 9 years old.
Being introduced to drugs and pressured into having sex by a friend
Panettiere and her family moved to. L.A. around 2006, where she encountered aggressive paparazzi and body shaming for the first time. Panettiere recounts being tired at a press event and being given what a former rep referred to as “a happy pill” before stepping onto the red carpet.
“Within minutes, a wave of energy washed over me, like I’d just woken up from the most refreshing night’s sleep of my life,” she writes, adding that within a few months, then 16, she began asking for one before each of her interviews.
Later in the book, Panettiere introduces a “semi-successful twentysomething actor” who filled her nights with “long dinners, strong cocktails, and gorgeous people.” Referring to her as Stella McAmis, Panettiere visited her friend on a rented yacht in France, where McAmis took her to a room and introduced her to a “famous thirtysomething British singer-songwriter lying in bed.”
A frozen Panettiere says she climbed in next to him after McAmis told her to “get in bed with him. He has a huge dick.” As soon as McAmis left, Panettiere bolted and later reached out to her would-be fiancé, Klitschko, for comfort.
Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia in “Heroes”
©NBC/Courtesy Everett Collection
Relationship with Milo Ventimiglia
Panettiere and Ventimiglia were costars on the superhero drama “Heroes,” and although the actress had “a little crush” since the show started, nothing happened between the pair until a press tour in Europe.
“Milo was 30, and I had just turned 18. However, something was in the air in Europe. Maybe it was the sights or the food or the fact that everyone fell all over us, but I felt dizzy with joy, and it seemed so did Milo,” she writes. “Over the course of the world tour, our friendship turned to flirtation, and just like that, we became a thing.”
Panettiere recalls an incident at a party where Panettiere told Ventimiglia that an exec at NBC had “pecked [her] on the lips.” A few days later, she says Ventimiglia broke up with her, but “took it back” when Panettiere began crying; he then broke up with her again a week later.
The story behind her parents’ domestic violence incident
Panettiere explains the story behind her parents’ highly publicized domestic violence incident in 2008, during which her now-estranged mother accused Panettiere’s father of hitting her in the face. Panettiere says the two of them had an argument at a gala, and continued the fight when they went home; Panettiere’s father allegedly told her mother he was afraid he would hit her if she didn’t get out of the way.
Her father drove to Panettiere’s house but left when he saw her boyfriend’s car and returned home; he was then arrested by the cops Panettiere’s mother had called. According to Panettiere, her mother instantly begged for forgiveness and tried to have the charges dropped, but to no avail. Her father pled no contest to avoid a trial, per his lawyer’s advice, which the tabloids interpreted as guilty. Panettiere says the incident was “the last straw” for their marriage, adding that no domestic abuse incidents have taken place between her parents, to the best of her knowledge.
Struggles with childbirth and postpartum depression
Panettiere recounts having a difficult pregnancy and her daughter, Kaya, initially having problems growing in utero. Although her baby was healthy upon delivery, Panettiere lost a significant amount of blood after giving birth, requiring seven transfusions and three hours of surgery.
Panettiere struggled with undiagnosed postpartum depression, saying: “I was anxious and afraid about everything and around everyone, including myself.” She turned to alcohol to help contain her emotions and said it became “the first thing” she thought of when she woke up, above her child and job. Eventually, Panettiere went into rehab when her daughter was four months old.
Panettiere and her child’s father, Klitschko, also broke up due to her struggles with her mental health and the long-distance nature of their relationship, with her in LA and him in Ukraine. He later sued her for her full custody of their daughter, saying he feared for Kaya’s safety when she was alone with Panettiere.
Still at the beginning of her recovery, Panettiere signed away her rights, saying she “shouldn’t” fight her child’s father and thought she would have a better life away from the limelight.
Domestic abuse
Panettiere opened up about her relationship with ex Brian Hickerson, who was sentenced to 45 days in prison for domestic violence in 2021. Panettiere recalls the first time he slapped her, saying, “the slaps became hits. One night, he busts up my face so badly I don’t leave the house for weeks.”
After a particularly violent incident, neighbors called the cops, and Hickerson received a restraining order. Panettiere was originally convinced he would change, but after a 2020 trip to Wyoming, where he hit her again, the county police intervened and booked him on domestic battery.
Panettiere checked herself into a treatment center after the incident and began to focus on her sobriety and mental health.
