Best sandwich?: That’s tough. The Blimpie Best. The Blimpie Best is, first of all, a perfect, delicious, fluffy bun that has a particular Blimpie sandwich taste.
Colbert: Are a spokesmodel for Blimpie? No? You will be after this.
Johansson: I haven’t seen a lot of them around, so clearly not. But I could be! I’d happily be. I could buy into the franchise… It’s sort of like an Italian sandwich. It’s got all the mortadella salami, all that stuff. Oil and vinegar, onion — it’s a very stinky sandwich. I wouldn’t eat it if you were going to have a, you know, romantic lunch with somebody.
First concert?: My first concert was Cypress Hill. I’m still buzzing from it, man. I am. I must have gone with a friend — I don’t remember (‘Cause I was so high. No.) But I remember I think it was at Roseland, and I remember they rolled this huge blunt that was like this big — itt was like the size of a Blimpie Best. And they smoked it on stage, all the members of the band, and then they passed it around the whole Roseland. Those were the days, man.
Scariest animal?: I hate cockroaches. Like I really, really, really, really hate them.
Colbert: You open up a cabinet in front of your face. You know what I’m talking about, right? Like New York cockroaches, like German cockroaches, or like the palmetto bugs, like the big water bugs? I grew up in South Carolina and as kids we would latch them together and power our bikes with them.
Johansson: Those are awful! Those are like nightmare animals. So disgusting. Not only do you have a disgusting water cockroach looking thing, but it flies! And it’s aggressive, it goes for you. That is an insect from hell.
Colbert: Crawl into your ears and lay eggs. No, at least once in your life it happens.
Johansson: No, they don’t. No, no, no, no.
Stephen: Oh, no. Scientists say that that’s true.
Scarlett: No, it’s not.
Stephen: It is.
Apples or oranges?: Like, to eat?
Colbert: Oh my god, it’s Joaquin Phoenix all over again. He was absolutely dumfounded by the question. He asked me what time of day it was.
Johansson: That makes perfect sense to me. Does that not make sense to you?
Colbert: Just answer the question, Senator… Apples or oranges? Got to pick one.
Johansson: Oh man, that’s tough. What kind of orange is it?
Colbert: Navel. I’ll accept Valencia as well, but no tangerines.
Johansson: That’s not an orange; that’s a tangerine. What kind of apple is it?
Colbert: Let’s say — It’s not like a tart baking apple, let’s say it’s a Fuji.
Johansson: What psychotic person would pick a tart baking apple? I like a Fuji. I think I’ll choose an apple.
Have you ever asked someone for their autograph?: Yes, I did. It was Patrick Stewart. I was actually publicizing The Horse Whisperer and I was on my first flight to London, and I was on British Airways, first class. And I was like, “Oh my god. It was amazing; I was a kid, it was big. I felt like the queen of England. Patrick Stewart was in the cabin and I was just… Of course I was. I had to ask him. And I remember he wrote, “Sweet dreams, Patrick Stewart,” because we were all going to sleep because it was a transatlantic [flight]. Yeah. I guess it must be somewhere.
What do you think happens when we die?: I don’t know. I guess we just rejoin the Matrix, I think. So, I’ll see you there.
Favorite action movie?: Terminator 2.
Window or aisle?: Window. Who likes the aisle?
Colbert: I like the aisle. Because if I have to go to the bathroom, I don’t want to say, “Excuse me. Excuse me.”
Johansson: Yeah, but then the cart is like right by your head all the time.
Colbert: So you can, “Excuse me? Cocktails.” Very important. You sit in the [window], I’ll get the drinks.
Johansson: I’m gonna take the aisle next time, you take the window.
Colbert: Claustrophobic. Where are we going on this trip by the way? I like this. I’m free in June.
Favorite smell?: I have a four-year-old son, and the top of his head, oh, it’s my favorite smell. It’s like a little warm roll, but a little salty.
Colbert: Wonderful. I like it actually before the fontanelle closes. Really! When you can just smell brain.
Least favorite smell?: Ugh, hot garbage.
Colbert: You grew up in New York, right? You know hot garbage.
Earliest memory?: I have a twin brother and my earliest memory is of my twin brother. I remember being with my twin brother, like, in a play pen. And I just remember him there. Yeah, that’s my earliest memory. We’ve talked about this before. He thinks it is his earliest memory too, but we’re not sure if we’ve just given each other the memory.
Colbert: You guilted him into having the memory.
Johansson: Right, because I’m first born. Three most important minutes of my life.
Cats or dogs?: Well, that’s a tough question. Do people answer that? What did Joaquin Phoenix say?
Colbert: Oh, that was impossible. I think he wanted to know where we were for that one. I think I said we were on Big Sur or something like that, Northern California. I think he said dog ’cause it was midday or something like that. Had just rained, sun was about to go down, something like that. You have pets now?
Johansson: I have two goldfish. I love them a lot. Jingles and Bubbles… I guess… Oh, I don’t know.
Colbert: I’ll accept goldfish. I’ve never accepted a fish before. I will for you. Now everyone’s gonna want goldfish! It was only for Scarlett Johansson.
You only get to listen to one song for the rest of your life, what is it?: What a nightmare… It’s gotta be like an easy listening song. The entire band is judging me silently right now. “Harvest Moon,” [Neil Young]? Yeah, maybe it would be. I think I could listen to that for a while. That seems pleasant.
What number am I thinking of?: Twelve. (No.)
Describe the rest of your life in five words: Oh, my… wait!
Colbert: You can start over.
Johansson: She lived for more years.
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