‘Secret Lives of Mormon Wives’ Saved Jessi Draper’s Marriage

One day before season three of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives premiered on Hulu, star Jessi Ngatikaura changed her name on social media, subtly announcing to her 1.4 million TikTok followers that she is now going by her maiden name, Jessi Draper. Fans immediately saw this as a sign that she had split from her husband, Jordan Ngatikaura. Spoiler alert: Jessi and Jordan Ngatikaura are still together, but, as seen in the new episodes, they came awfully close to calling it quits.

For the first two seasons, Jessi was mostly a supporting player. As the oldest member of MomTok at 33 and the only one running a business outside of social media (hair salon and extension brand JZ Styles), Jessi has always been on the periphery of the drama. But after season two ended with Vanderpump Villa star Marciano Brunette claiming he and Jessi slept together, the queen of Utah Curls had no choice but to let her marriage take center stage in season three. “At that point, it was either you run from it or you embrace it,” she says. “It’s going to be talked about anyway, so I might as well tell my side of the story.”

Her side of the story is as follows: She and Marciano had an emotional affair while she and her husband, Jordan Ngatikaura, were separated, and they never slept together. It’s a huge admission, but it’s only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Jessi’s storyline, which sees her separating from her husband again after what she describes as years of emotional abuse. The season ends with many of Jessi’s relationships patched up: She takes Jordan back after a 90-day separation and decides to forgive Demi Engemann, her former BFF, for her role in spreading rumors about the Marciano drama. But all of this was filmed months ago, and “There’s always more to the story,” Jessi says. “We film so much and you guys only see this much because of how many episodes we get. We share as much as we can, but we have no control over what you guys see.”

Why did you decide to take Jordan back after your 90-day separation? 
When we’re filming, we’re so busy. We were in therapy, talking about what we needed, but we didn’t have the time to implement it. I felt comfortable being like, “Okay, we can give it a shot without the cameras.”

How are you and Jordan doing right now?
We’re doing better. This isn’t something you can get over in one day. But we’ve been in therapy and we’re on an upward trajectory. I just hope the show coming out isn’t going to affect that.

What has the fan reaction been like so far?
I’ve gotten more support and love than I expected, but the mean comments come in as well. You just can’t put weight on either of them because you’ll get one comment that says something and then the next is completely contradictory. I’m just trying to stay off social media.

How is Jordan handling the fan response? 
So far, we’ve both gotten the same reaction of love and hate. Going to therapy and talking about it beforehand prepared us for that. Hopefully we can stay on that path.

Now that we know you and Jordan are still together, why did you change your name on social media? 
I’ve been wanting to do it for a while. I wanted to do it before season one, because I knew my last name was hard to pronounce. Jordan wasn’t a fan of that idea, so I didn’t. But after all of this, it made me feel a little more empowered in sharing my story. You can’t let a man dictate who you are.

You also just posted about selling your house.
Our house has a lot of memories from all of the bad times. We need a clean slate. Also, a lot of people have figured out where we live because the outside of my house is on the show quite a bit, and people are driving by a lot. My house is like a fishbowl — it has huge windows in the front. We decided to find a place that’s a little more private.

Was Jordan’s emotional abuse something that you wanted to bring into the season, or were you still trying to keep it private as you navigated the affair storyline?
That wasn’t something I ever planned to share. You see in the first couple episodes that it’s really just about the affair and then the dynamic with Jordan comes to light because of how he talks to me when I get home from St. George. He just did his thing. We couldn’t hide it anymore. Anyone who’s been in a toxic relationship will watch that scene and know it’s usually ten times worse off camera.

The affair was something I did, and I regret it, and I do not condone my actions. I am not trying to blame anything for it, but my relationship with Jordan was a big reason why I was in the headspace I was in when I did it. It really broke my confidence. I was looking for validation in other places because of it. It was hard to showcase that without showing our dynamic.

In a way, I’m grateful because it brought it to the surface. We’ve gotten help and we’ve done therapy, and I don’t think that would’ve happened if this hadn’t come out.

Your confrontation with Jordan after you got home from St. George was very difficult to watch as a viewer. What was it like for you to watch back? 
To be honest, that was nothing compared to how he used to talk to me. It’s crazy to say that because it’s inappropriate and it never should have happened, but I was used to it. I was surprised he did it on camera. I really did not expect him to fly off the handle like that because I thought he cared about his image.

I’m grateful it happened. It needed to come out because it wasn’t going to change if it didn’t, but watching it back was hard because we’ve come a long way and that doesn’t happen anymore. It reminded me of what I used to live with every single day and what it used to feel like. I think it was good for Jordan to watch it back too. I think it gave him a lot of perspective.

Jordan spoke a lot about feeling “emasculated” by the affair at the barbecue that you weren’t invited to. What was that like watching back for you?
The barbecue scene was hard because I feel like Jordan has a way of taking accountability but then backtracking and trying to blame at the same time.

At the time, emotions were so raw. Jordan and I had already been dealing with the affair for six months behind closed doors, and having it come out publicly opened up a lot of wounds for Jordan and his ego became affected. He focused more on the “emasculating” part rather than it being hurtful.

Seeing Jordan lead so much with his ego, in such a similar way to Zac Affleck in season one, made me wonder if that kind of mindset is tied to Mormon culture.
Yeah, it’s the patriarchy. Men are used to being the providers and the strong backbone of the family. A lot of mine and Jordan’s relationship issues come from the fact that he had to quit his job because I was doing so well, and it just wasn’t working because his job was out of state and he had to travel, and we had two kids and the show and my businesses, and that became the priority. He lost himself a little bit, not being the provider of the household. And that can affect a man’s ego.

You took cameras to therapy this season, which is an incredibly vulnerable thing to do. What made you decide to take that step?
I was trying to figure out, “Why did I do this? Why did I get to this place?” And yes, my relationship with Jordan was a huge part of it, but there are also insecurities I’ve had that I didn’t realize played into why I did what I did and why I allowed myself to be treated the way I’ve been treated by Jordan. Since I was telling my story, I might as well tell all of it and peel back the curtain and show all of the discoveries I’m making. What if it helps someone else who’s been in this situation, who has found themself in a toxic relationship, or maybe has cheated, or made a mistake because of low self-esteem and because they didn’t think they were good enough?

I want anyone who has done something similar to know that it doesn’t define you. It’s okay to make a mistake if you’re willing to work on yourself and own it and be better.

In your therapy session, there’s a really striking moment where your therapist asks you what you like about yourself physically and you say, “Nothing.”
It’s like a glass shattering moment where you’re like, “Oh, wow, this really is affecting how I feel about myself and the decisions I make.”

How has being on the show affected how you see yourself? Has it helped? Has it hurt?
A little bit of both. After season one, I got a lot of hate comments about how I look, and when I looked at all the girls, I was the only one getting that. It really affected my confidence. I’ve made some changes and I’ve tried to do certain things, and I feel better now, but I still have that inside me. I don’t think that ever goes away, no matter how much you change. If you don’t change it internally, it doesn’t really matter.

I feel like everyone, especially women, has insecurities, and that’s why I wanted to share that. I do feel like it’s made me who I am. It’s formed some of my decisions and it’s something I want to work on.

Those changes included various cosmetic procedures, which you share on social media. How has the work you’ve done in therapy affected how you look back at those procedures?
I just tweaked little things. I haven’t gotten overboard, and hopefully I never do. I pinched my nose a teeny bit — it wasn’t a full nose job. Same with my under eye. It doesn’t make a huge difference, but it makes enough of a difference where I feel confident.

If you’re going to do something that helps your confidence, why not? We all dye our hair, we all get facials. We all do things to keep ourselves looking and feeling good. If someone wants to do surgery for that, why not? Yes, it’s more extreme, but if it’s going to help you feel better and you have a good head on your shoulders and you know why you’re doing it and you don’t go overboard, then it’s totally fine.

It’s important to share when you get things done in the public eye, because a lot of people are doing it, they’re just not saying it. And then it sets unrealistic beauty standards for younger women because they think, I wasn’t born with that perfect nose or that body or whatever. And it’s usually something they’ve gotten worked on.

Not only was this season your most vulnerable, it’s also been the most political. There was Layla’s hair storyline, the Pride event, and Demi’s obsession over “believing women.” Why were these things important for you to talk about?
I threw the Pride event because I’ve had a gay best friend my whole life. I’ve been around gay people. I have gay employees. It’s a big part of my life, and it doesn’t go hand in hand with the church — that’s a big reason why I left. For me, it was about having inclusion and supporting other people and what they’re going through, whether our culture believes in it or not.

You can be Mormon and still love and accept other people. Mormon culture needs to evolve. As time goes on and the younger generation starts to run the church, things will change. I hope we can be a part of that..

There are a lot of people who watch the show and are hesitant to commit to being fans of the cast because they’re analyzing your political affiliations. I’ve seen the TikToks, and I wanted to give you the space to share yours.
As a business owner, the tariffs and a lot of Trump’s policies have not been beneficial to me. What I believe is that everyone should love and support everyone. Let’s not be a country divided by hate. Let’s all come together, and whether you believe this or I believe this, we can still coexist as long as we’re not being nasty to each other. We can show love and inclusion no matter what we believe.

But I wouldn’t really categorize myself in any bucket. I take the side of what’s right, and maybe that’s down the middle. I believe some things here and some things here. But I will say I’m not a Trump supporter.

After the contract disputes in season two and three, I want to clarify something: Do you all get paid the same to be on the show?
We all get paid the same, which I love because we put a lot of work into the show. We’re all in it whether we have something crazy going on in our lives or not. It’s important that we’re all valued the same. The minute anyone starts to become a diva over money or contracts is the minute you’ve lost yourself. Your soul’s ruined in Hollywood. If you let that get to you, you’re never going to be the same.

Where do you and Demi stand today?
It’s hard because we did have a strong friendship at one point, but so much has happened and I’ve seen so many behaviors I am not cool with. We kind of come back together at the end because the group as a whole does. Since then I’ve seen more and more behaviors and patterns I’m not okay with and I’ve decided to take a step back. I can confidently say I don’t think we’ll ever be friends again, whether we’re filming or not. I can be her co-worker; I’ll never be her friend.

At the MomTok meeting in the finale, it didn’t really seem like Demi ever gave you a clear answer on her intentions with the Marciano drama. Did you feel like you got clarity on it?
No. She’s really good at manipulating, hiding the truth, spinning the truth, being a victim. And I think she did that. But at that point, I was so done with the fighting. I was so drained from my separation. I was just like, “If Demi’s going to come back to the show and be around, I just want to be cordial.” For the next couple months, I tried to be her friend, and more lies were told and her energy wasn’t truthful, it wasn’t genuine, and I was like, “I can’t do this.” It was short-lived.

More lies about Marciano? She’s sticking to her story?
She still is to this day, and she’s a liar. There is more of that story, and I don’t think she’ll ever come clean because she went so far in the other direction. She would look really stupid to go back on it now.

I saw you recently rooting for Whitney at Dancing With the Stars. Did you also audition?
I did, yeah. I told them not to give it to me because I have no rhythm.

Were you surprised they ended up offering two of the Mormon Wives a spot? 
I was surprised, but I was so happy because each of them wanted that so badly. It was a dream of theirs and they both love dancing.

Where do you and Whitney stand today?
Me and Whitney are great. I think in season three, you see her come back and basically say, “I’m only here for Dancing With the Stars.” And she got it. So it worked — manifest! But it did hurt my feelings. MomTok is about friendship. And even though we’ve had our ups and downs, we all do value each other. You see my friendships grow a lot in season three. They were there for me. To have her come in and do that, I was like, “Oh, that feels slimy.” But at the end, when we get back together as a group, she really was vulnerable with us, and we’ve moved past it.

I’m cheering her on. I think she’s great. My only grievance with her is she’s still close with Demi. I wish she had better taste in friends. But other than that, I think she’s great.

You’ve also patched things up with Jen.
I’m really close with Jen. In this season you see that we have a conversation, and I admit to her, “I was projecting my issues onto you and I’m so sorry.” We hashed it out and worked through it. I didn’t know what Jen was going through until I watched season two because she kind of disappeared. We’ve had a lot of good conversations, and I’m just there to support her.

Who are you closest to right now in the group? 
I’m close with everyone except Demi, which is obvious. But I would say my best friends right now are Mayci, Mikayla, and Taylor. We’re really close.

The first clip from Taylor’s Bachelorette season was just released. What kind of man do you hope she meets?
I hope she meets someone really grounded and down to earth, normal and fun, but with a little bit of a wild side — she needs that. Someone who can let her flourish and shine because she needs someone she’s not in competition with.

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