Nikki Glaser returned to the Golden Globes stage with a fresh monologue that jabbed at Leonardo DiCaprio, the Epstein files and CBS News. Out the gate, she addressed one of this year’s biggest stories in Hollywood.
“Let’s get down to business: We’ll start the bidding for Warner Bros at $5. Do I hear $5?” Glaser quipped to big applause, referencing Netflix’s $82.7 billion bid to buy the legendary studio.
In a joke that started with a nod to the Epstein files (“so many A-listers — and by A-listers, I mean people who are on ‘A list’ that has been heavily redacted. The Golden Globe for best editing goes to… the Justice Department!”) and ended with a dig at the network airing the kudocast (“the award for most editing goes to CBS News. Yes. CBS news: America’s newest place to see B.S. news.” ) The network recently made headlines after newly installed editor-in-chief Bari Weiss killed a “60 Minutes” segment about the U.S. sending deportees to a prison in El Salvador.
Early in the monologue, Glaser singled out George Clooney for a very specific inquiry. “I’ve always wanted to ask you something, and I know this is unprofessional, but I may never get the chance again, so here goes: My Nespresso keep coming out watery,” she said. “Do you think it might be the filter? Could you troubleshoot?” Clooney played along, mouthing back to her with a straight face.
She then turned her attention to Leonardo DiCaprio, a nominee for “One Battle After Another.” “What a career you have had,” she said. “Countless iconic performances. You’ve worked with every great director, you’ve won three Golden Globes and an Oscar. The most impressive thing is that you were able to accomplish that all before your girlfriend turned 30.”
Acknowledging the lack of originality in that punchline, Glaser added, “Leo, I’m sorry I made that joke. It is cheap. I tried not to, but, like, we don’t know anything else about you, man. There’s nothing else. Open up! I’m serious! I looked! I searched! The most in-depth interview you’ve ever given was for Teen Beat magazine in 1991. Is your favorite food still ‘Pasta, pasta and more pasta?’”
Putting the spotlight on “The Smashing Machine” star Dwayne Johnson, Glaser said, “The Rock is nominated tonight, and luckily for him, the TV show ‘The Paper’ is not, so he might win.” After some laughter from the crowd, she added, “That’s a fun one.”
Sitting nearby was Johnson’s “Jumanji” co-star Kevin Hart, and Glaser said together they are her “favorite comedy duo.” Then came the punchline: “You guys are like Steve Martin and Martin Short for people under 50 IQ.”
Glaser also called attention to the cast of “The White Lotus,” saying Season 3 of the HBO vacation dramedy was “the first hit show to feature incest since ‘The Property Brothers’ Season All-of-Them.”
A highlight reel of Glaser’s digs at other celebrities in attendance: Sean Penn looks like a “sexy leather handbag.” Timothée Chalamet “gained over 60 ounces” for his role in “Marty Supreme.” Jacob Elordi and Paul Mescal are the same person to her mom. And Steve Martin and Martin Short keep proving that “in this industry you are never too old to still need money!”
Glaser made her Golden Globes hosting debut in 2025 and was swiftly rehired after her edgy-but-not-over-the-line jokes about “Wicked’s” gay fan base and Stanley Tucci’s “freak-offs” went over well with the starry crowd and viewers at home.
In November, Glaser hosted “Saturday Night Live,” and she’s co-writing and starring in an upcoming rom-com produced by Judd Apatow. She also has a Hulu comedy special coming out in 2026.
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