Seeing the world from the other person’s point of view, be they big or small, is key, says Nicky.
This way you can sell the benefits of your outcome to the other person, while also making them feel heard.
“It’s called the ‘power of’ negotiation, because if you give people reasons why something should or shouldn’t happen, they’re more likely to accept it,” says Nicky.
“It’s about recognising it and being really honest with people. People are far more receptive to your honesty than you think they’re going to be,” she says.
Take the common problem of tantrums over bedtime. Children can often struggle with the loss of autonomy that a sudden bedtime announcement brings.
A solution, says Nicky, is to consider how the child feels in that moment, rather than view it as an adult.
If they’re enjoying playing and then you suddenly say it’s time to go to bed, this can feel abrupt and naturally upset them.
Instead, her suggestion is to prepare the child as soon as they get home – weaving the night time routine naturally into the conversation and reinforcing it regularly throughout the evening.
Something like “we’ll have dinner, then watch some TV and then it’s bedtime” acts as a good framework.
The child then feels more involved and aware of what is coming, even if they don’t necessarily like it – meaning hopefully fewer tantrums.
