We don’t joke about curses. Not in Phoenix, where our NBA franchise has accumulated zero rings, exponential heartbreak and infinite regret. The only explanation for our collective misfortune is buzzard’s luck or black magic voodoo.
Especially when a Kardashian is involved.
Alas, that didn’t stop Kendall Jenner.
In a new commercial for her partnership with Fanatics Sportsbook & Casino, Jenner tenderly torches her handful of ex-boyfriends in the NBA, announcing she’s moving on to football players. She thanks Boyfriend Three for the private jet (Blake Griffin?); she says Boyfriend Two flopped out of the league, clearly a shot at Ben Simmons; and Boyfriend One … the number worn by Devin Booker?
“Missed the playoffs,” Jenner says with derision while floating in a pool. “I guess nobody was getting a ring in this house.”
The commercial has made an impact. It prompted a spicy exchange between Booker and Jenner on social media. She asked him about his ankle. He told her to come rub it. The internet went wild.
Some thought Book was clapping back at his ex. Others detected the scent of flirtation. The cynical swear the exchange is all part of carefully calculated marketing efforts. To which we must counsel Booker to, in all due respect, in the gentlest way possible, on behalf of the greater common good ….
RUN!!!!
The Kardashian Curse states that any athlete who dates a member of the family will suffer a notable decline in performance. A rough patch, as Jenner says in the commercial, before lighting a basket full of NBA jerseys on fire.
We know for a fact that a teenaged Kim Kardashian frequently hung around the Suns arena during the start of Steve Nash era, a team that suffered mightily in their failed quest for a championship, from Joe Johnson’s broken orbital bone to Steve Nash’s bloodied nose to the hip check from Robert Horry. We have witnessed Booker enduring a rough patch of his own in recent years.
We also know the basketball gods have finally smiled on our beloved franchise player, giving him a real leader and enforcer (Dillon Brooks), teammates who make him smile and a fabulous young head coach (Jordan Ott) who will be with him until the end of his career. The Suns have been a Cinderella story for more than a half-season. And now the Kween of Kurses has to show up on the set?
For those who doubt the depths of our misfortune and the biblical scale of our suffering, consider the famous question from one of cinema’s greatest villains, Anton Chigurh in “No Country for Old Men.”
“What’s the most you ever lost on a coin toss?”
The gas station attendant was flummoxed and terrified by the question. Suns fans wouldn’t miss a beat.
We have lost more on a coin toss (Kareem Abdul-Jabbar) than any sports franchise in history.
We know all about curses, hexes, jinxes and other maledictions. And in a magical season like this, we don’t need one ounce of bad mojo.
Reach Bickley at [email protected]. Listen to Bickley & Marotta weekdays from 6 a.m. – 10 a.m. on 98.7 and the Arizona Sports app.
