The worst thing about it is that I met the other women in our friendship group through her, so I feel like I have no friends now.
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Dear Coleen
I’m having a horrible time right now and hope you can help. A couple of months ago my teenage daughter fell out with her best mate over a boy, and this girl happens to be the daughter of one of my friends.
It all kicked off big time – my so-called friend was badmouthing my daughter to all our other friends and there was some nasty stuff on social media, too.
However, I didn’t have time to deal with it. As well as being a single parent, a relative died the same week this drama exploded, so I was taken up with that and deep in grief.
Our daughters are still not talking and my friend hasn’t replied to any of my messages, asking to meet and talk. It seems very immature.
The worst thing about it is that I met the other women in our friendship group through her, so I feel like I have no friends now. For the record, my daughter didn’t do anything wrong – this boy (who my friend’s daughter liked) was flirting with her.
That’s it. Even if she’d been the one to make a play for him, is it really bad enough to cause all this and split up friends? Surely, as adults, we should be above this kind of thing? I’d welcome your thoughts.
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Coleen says
Generally, unless it’s bullying, which must be called out, I think it’s a mistake to get involved with your kids’ friendship dramas. In my experience, kids will eventually sort things out themselves. And it’s all part of learning how to resolve conflict and build relationships.
Of course we get very protective of our children if they’re hurting. I remember my daughter Ciara falling out with one of her best friends, who I thought had really let her down.
Inside I was filled with rage, but six months later they were best friends again, Ciara was very mature about it and I was very glad I didn’t get involved and fall out with anyone. Teenage girls, especially, fall out and in with each other all the time. It’s hard to keep up.
At their age, your girls are not emotionally mature enough to realise this guy is probably a player and not worth ruining their friendship over.
I agree with you that the adults should be able to take a step back, look at the situation sensibly and stay friends, but it sounds like your friend has a teenage brain, too!
While she’s still simmering, my advice would be to go out and get better friends. You could send her one last message, saying it’s crazy to lose a friendship over this boy, who will not end up with either girl, and leave the ball in her court.
