South Park returned for the final episode of its 28th season on Wednesday night, closing out a back-to-back two-season run that brought the show’s Donald Trump character plot thread to a conclusion that was both satisfying and a total crap out.
The episode, titled “The Crap Out,” begins with Stan Marsh seeking a kind ear from Jesus, his school guidance counselor, after the past few months saw ICE raids across town, his family’s loss of the marijuana farm and then their home. But Jesus sucks now, as he has decided to go full PC Principal as a modern, oblivious and shallow version of a Christian. And yes, he’s still with his new girlfriend, the mostly silicone Peggy Rockbottom.
At the White House, Satan is preparing for the birth of his child with Trump, which was deemed a “crap-out” on Fox News, but — big surprise — the president has disappeared ahead of the big day. It seems Trump and Vice President JD Vance have split town and headed to South Park to spring their boy, Peter Thiel, from the local jailhouse (where, recall, he was joined by Pete Hegseth after the Thanksgiving Turkey Trot in the previous South Park episode).
Meanwhile, woe-is-me Stan is pining for a Christmas miracle after his terrible string of bad luck. He manages to wish hard enough to conjure the famous South Park woodland creatures, who, as fans will recall from prior holiday episodes, are actually evil, bloodthirsty monsters beneath their cute surface. Certainly, nothing bad will happen here.
Back to Satan: While cleaning Trump’s skid mark-stained underpants, he comes across Vance’s blue jockstrap and realizes his lover had taken his veep as a second side-lover. Who is in the sink covered in a mysterious bodily fluid, ready to give Satan a full rundown of all the intrigue that’s been occurring at the White House this season? That’s right, it’s Towelie, who hasn’t been seen in eight episodes. Soon, Satan and Towelie are off to confront Trump in the once-quiet mountain town that is about to meet the Antichrist.
After an act break, all of the characters converge in a confrontation in the middle of South Park. As Satan (with Towelie in tow) is about to give Trump the business, douche-bag Jesus lands in front of Trump to protect him.
“This is a great man protecting our country from facts,” Jesus tells a fuming Satan, who replies, “This man is a con artist, and I will deal with him.”
And that’s when the Crap-Out contractions start for the scorned Satan. He’s brought to a local hospital, and while he is lamenting how he always chooses “the worst guys,” the Woodland Creatures realize that Trump will always win with Jesus by his side. It all leads to a showdown, as Trump, Vance, Thiel, Hegseth and Jesus storm Hell’s Pass Hospital to kill the Antichrist.
That never happens, though. After Stan’s inspirational speech, Jesus decides he will no longer stand by Trump’s side. That’s when the sad news arrives about the Antichrist’s birth: Satan and Trump’s baby was found hanging from its neck inside the womb, a doctor tells the group who was ready to rumble in the birthing wing. The ultrasound has some footage missing; coincidentally, this was the case with the death of Jeffrey Epstein in a Brooklyn lockup, as he was facing trial for sexual misconduct.
Trump is soon back at the White House, celebrating another problem miraculously solved. As he dances among his comrades, Satan packs up everything set up for the baby and leaves the White House. Presumably, this is the bitter end of the Satan-Trump romance in the South Park universe.
The sad (or sad and hopeful?) end of the Trump plot thread does not end the South Park season, though. Kyle, our young hero, is soon granted his wish and gets his home back. This is all thanks to the almighty power of Jesus H. Christ, who, as the episode closes, appears to Stan in the stars to affirm that the boy has gotten his wish. Also lit up in the stars is Peggy Rockbottom, by Jesus’ side.
