Bruce Willis’ wife opens up about the ‘hardest part of the holidays’ amid dementia battle
Christmas Day brings up a lot of emotions for Bruce Willis’ family.
NEW YORK, NY – JANUARY 15: Bruce Willis and Emma Heming attend the “Glass” New York Premiere at SVA Theater on January 15, 2019 in New York City. (Photo by Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images)
Emma Harding, Bruce Willis’ wife, published an essay on her website, opening up about the emotional toll of the holidays amid Bruce’s dementia diagnosis.
“For me, the holidays carry memories of Bruce being at the center of it all,” the 47-year-old wrote.
The essay continued, “He loved this time of year — the energy, the family time, the traditions. He was the pancake maker, the get-out-in-the-snow-with-the-kids guy, the steady presence moving through the house as the day unfolded. There was comfort in the routine of knowing exactly how the day would go, especially since I’m a creature of habit.”
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA – SEPTEMBER 23: (L-R) Rumer Willis, Demi Moore, Bruce Willis, Scout Willis, Emma Heming Willis and Tallulah Willis attend Demi Moore’s ‘Inside Out’ Book Party on September 23, 2019 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Stefanie Keenan/Getty Images for goop)
“Dementia doesn’t erase those memories,” the mother of two shared. “But it does create space between then and now. And that space can ache.”
“Grief during the holidays can show up in unexpected ways,” Emma wrote. “It can arrive while pulling decorations out of storage, wrapping gifts or hearing a familiar song. It can catch you off guard in the middle of a room full of people, or in the quiet moment when everyone else has gone to bed.”
“I find myself, harmlessly, cursing Bruce’s name while wrestling with the holiday lights or taking on tasks that used to be his,” she wrote. “Not because I’m mad at him — never that — but because I miss the way he once led the holiday charge. Yes, he taught me well, but I’m still allowed to feel annoyed that this is one more reminder of how things have changed.”
UNITED STATES – APRIL 04: Bruce Willis and girlfriend Emma hemming at the private screening of “Leatherheads” held in the Museum Of Modern Art with a dinner party following at the “21 Club” .. (Photo by Richard Corkery/NY Daily News Archive via Getty Images)
Harding admits that the hardest part of the holidays being a caregiver is that there’s an expectation to make everything feel “normal,” even if she’s quietly mourning the life she once shared with the “Die Hard” actor.
“We’re surrounded by images of what the holidays are supposed to look like — perfectly decorated homes, lighthearted gatherings, smiling faces captured in matching pajamas,” she reflected. “Even when we know these images are curated, they can still create a sense of failure and extra loss when our reality doesn’t match. When dementia is part of your family, ‘normal’ becomes a moving target.”
“For a long time, I wanted the holidays to remain exactly as they were, as if this might protect us from what was happening,” Emma wrote. “But I’m learning that flexibility isn’t giving up. It’s adapting. It’s choosing compassion and reality over perfection. It’s understanding that meaning doesn’t live in the size of the gathering or the polish of the day. It lives in presence.”
Harding stresses that “Grief is not a sign of ingratitude. It’s a sign of love.”
LONDON, ENGLAND – FEBRUARY 07: Bruce Willis with wife Emma Heming attends the UK Premiere of ‘A Good Day To Die Hard’ at Empire Leicester Square on February 7, 2013 in London, England. (Photo by Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images)
“There’s no denying that the holidays are different now. But different doesn’t mean empty. It doesn’t mean broken. It doesn’t mean devoid of meaning. There is still connection. There is still love. There is still joy to be had. And if this season feels heavy for you, please know that you’re not alone. You’re not doing it wrong. And there is no single ‘right’ way to move through this time of year when dementia is part of your life. There is only your way. And that is enough.”
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