In the US state of hyperbole, where the average is, like, awesome and the vaguely interesting is totally amazing, dude, the southern Californian resort of Laguna Beach is rather understated.
Drive the Pacific Coast Highway south from Los Angeles and you’ll pass plenty of other towns with beach in their name: Venice, Redondo, Manhattan, Hermosa, Huntington and so on. Some are pretty. Others grungy. Some are perfect for raising blond kids with blond teeth. Others offer the ideal place to park the end-of-life RV and await the final sunset. All, though, have a beach, singular.
This one, though, has 32, scattered along seven miles of low, sandy cliffs an hour south of LA on a good day. They range from surf breaks and snorkelling reefs to tide pools and palm-shaded coves, topped, for a large part, by a prom with lawns, tropical flora and picnic tables. The ocean is jade or blue, and the temperature of chilled champagne: tingly for a moment then too delicious to leave.
Behind these immaculate sands stands a freewheeling art colony so photogenic that had the Town Greeter — more of whom later — told me it was designed by Disney, I might have believed him.
What you need to know
How do you get there? Laguna Beach is about an hour’s drive south of downtown Los AngelesHow much does it cost? Seven nights’ room only at Montage Laguna Beach is from £3,755pp, including flights (scottdunn.com)Who will love it? Beach-hoppers and anyone looking for a laid-back, artistic vibe
Wildlife and wildly-priced real estate
But it’s the tale of another Walt that grips me. Every house in Laguna has a sea view but none is quite as, like, totally awesome as that from the turrets of Pyne Castle, a folly born of an American Dream.
Walter Ester Pyne was a man of modest means, good taste and extraordinary luck. He arrived in Los Angeles at the back end of the 19th century and got a job as a guitar man on a cruise ship running overnight voyages between San Francisco and LA.
He invested his earnings in a pianola business, supplying self-playing pianos to the nouveau riche citrus farmers of Orange County and, still saving hard, accumulated enough cash to buy a strip of land in the nearby Santa Ana canyon upon which to grow his own fruit.
The gods, though, had other plans for Walt — as he was drilling for water he struck oil. Suddenly rich beyond his craziest dreams, he did what we would all do: bought four acres of scrub overlooking the Pacific at Laguna Beach and built a 62-room castle for himself and his mum. And to make sure no incomer spoilt his view he bought every plot of land between his palace and the sea, living happily ever after until his death in 1945. He left the palace to his housekeeper.
Laguna Beach’s Main beach is recognisable by its white lifeguard tower
GETTY IMAGES
I heard that story from the kayak guide Doug Oyen as we rose and fell on the morning swell a few hundred yards off Crescent Bay beach, number three of 32 (kayak tours from £85; lavidalaguna.com). There were seals in the surf, pelicans in the sky and tiny leopard sharks scooting between the rocks below, but Oyen was pointing out the ludicrous real estate on the palm-lined cliffs.
The nearest, on a headland between Crescent Bay and Shaw’s Cove, is a modest three-bedroom bungalow that sold for $45 million (£33 million) last year. This time it was bought by one of those nouveau riche OC farmers. Past bidders include Richard Nixon and Justin Bieber.
On Aliso beach — number 28 — there is a billionaire beach house seemingly based on the camel-like AT-AT machine from Star Wars. Slung beneath its belly is a glass and concrete box, maybe 8ft wide by 25ft long. Notwithstanding the seven miles of perfectly joggable sands 30ft below, this pod seems to have been built solely to accommodate an ocean-facing running machine. I imagine the owner getting in his steps, high above the people, feeling like Elon Musk. Maybe he is Elon Musk.
Bette Davis’s old house is more to my taste: a six-bedroom villa that was built in 1929, with a big D on the chimney, Italianate gardens, private steps to Woods Cove — beach number 22 — and 180-degree views of the Pacific. Later, as we all do at the seaside, I glance at an estate agency window. For the sake of your self-esteem, I suggest you don’t.
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Take a jog along the seven miles of Aliso Beach
ALAMY
A natural home for surfers and eccentrics
While Laguna indeed attracts the Botoxed and the Ozempicked, the McMansion dwellers and those who dress as though they’re in a scripted reality show — MTV’s Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County, aired in 2004, was one of the first of that genre — the town somehow retains an egalitarian charm.
Thrift shops, cheap pizza joints and dive bars — best of which is the Sandpiper, aka the Dirty Bird (sandpiperlounge.com) — still just about outnumber the chichi options. And there’s an eccentricity that some say dates back to when the Brotherhood of Eternal Love’s locally produced Orange Sunshine LSD may have mutated the town’s DNA for ever.
However, the hippy messiah Johnny Griggs must have known about Laguna’s nonconformist history when he brought the cult here in 1966. It’s a quality personified by the tale of the Town Greeter.
Woods Cove — beach number 22 at Laguna
ALAMY
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Joe Lucas was a shipwrecked Portuguese fisherman who washed up here in 1880. His English was limited to a gutterful of profanities but, not to be held back, Lucas took to standing beside the road, waving a trident and welcoming stagecoaches with language that would make a sailor blush.
Elsewhere they would have run him out of town but Laguna gave him a salary of $8 (£6) a month. The present Town Greeter is Michael Minutoli, a homeless émigré from New England who dresses like a showman and waves more politely than Lucas at passing cars. He also crashes the parties of the rich and famous, so if you see a greybeard in a captain’s hat photobombing the Oscars or the Golden Globes, that’ll be Minutoli. “You don’t need to be rich to love life,” he says, before twirling away like a Sgt Pepper savant.
As the suntanned and salt-crusted leave the beaches at sunset, the princesses and the brides arrive. The former are Latin American girls in Disneyesque ball gowns, celebrating their quinceañeras, or 15th birthdays. The latter, their dresses hitched to their knees, their feet in the water and their grooms looking awkward, are here for their pre-wedding shoots. Yes, that’s a thing.
Offshore, the surfers are silhouetted against a fiery sky. Inshore, the skim boarders of Victoria beach — number 23 — are lurking. The sport was invented by bored lifeguards right here in the 1920s and the present generation, all tanned, lean and ’tached, are keeping the faith. They study the shorebreak and when a potential ride is spotted one will sprint seawards with his short, pointy skimboard. As his buddies cheer him on, he drops his plank into an inch of water and rides it up the face of the breaker to perform a backwards somersault, or a cutback on the shoulder.
Tiki time at the Royal Hawaiian
I’d love to have a go but I need to eat. Dinner at the Loft would be a grand affair, with views to match. The restaurant is part of the luxurious Montage Laguna Beach, a 262-room five-star hotel on a bluff above Treasure Island beach — number 27. The resort has three pools, a spa, two restaurants and a piano bar.
The five-star Montage hotel sits above Treasure Island Beach
However, I’m looking for something more raucous so I take the 15-minute ride downtown on the free trolleybus. There are American, Belgian, French and Italian restaurants on Forest Avenue, and Japanese and Mexican on Ocean Avenue. I’m in a tiki frame of mind, though, so I walk up the hill past the fabulous Laguna Art Museum (£11; lagunaartmuseum.org), to the Royal Hawaiian.
Opened in 1947, this South Seas-themed cocktail joint, restaurant and music venue sits above Rockpile Beach and while you don’t need a Polynesian shirt to get in, wearing one seems to get you a better table (royalhawaiianoc.com). Cocktails, including the flammable Chief Lapu Lapu, which arrives blazing like a bin fire, are £14. A half-rack of ribs is £27. The surf-rock house band Little Kahuna are free, although they’re doing good business on the merch. I’m having so much fun I lose count of the bin fires I’ve extinguished. Wipeout is the last song that I remember.
Chris Haslam was a guest of Visit Laguna Beach (visitlagunabeach.com). Fly to Los Angeles
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Three stylish coastal California hotels
The Surfrider Hotel, Malibu
By Blossom Green
Having started life as a motel, the Surfrider Hotel was renovated in 2017
THE SURFRIDER MALIBU
A bright and breezy boutique hotel that feels more like your friend’s chic beach house, this modern SoCal mainstay sits off the Pacific Coast Highway facing the ocean and protected beaches of the state’s historic surfer spot.
It started life as a 1950s motel and was brought up to date in 2017 by new owners who have drawn on its laid-back heritage while taking inspiration from global surf culture and the surrounding landscape — adding a pleasing dose of modern interior design nous.
It plays out over 20 bedrooms with four-poster beds, vintage furniture, carefully placed greenery, raw wood and washed-out linens. Some rooms feature a kitchenette, some a hammock-decked balcony, others a tequila bar.
A vibey roof deck restaurant puts regional ingredients to the fore (baja spiced fish tacos with wild-caught halibut and blueberry cobbler ice cream). For active sorts, the use of surfboards, paddleboards, beach paraphernalia and Mini Coopers are all complimentary. Salty hair and long, sun-kissed lunches are a given.
Details Room-only doubles from £219 (thesurfridermalibu.com)
Rosewood Miramar Beach, Montecito
The Rosewood Miramar Beach hotel has a private beach
Seeking a slice of American Riviera luxury? The stretch of coast from Montecito to Santa Barbara draws an A-list crowd for its pretty beaches, relaxed vibe and proximity to Los Angeles. So it’s hardly surprising that the Rosewood channels the energy of old-school Hollywood into its sanctuary-like beach houses, garden bungalows and suites.
Understated yet refined elegance is the deal here. There are gorgeous grounds to wander, complete with bocce and tennis courts, a private beach, cabana-lined pools, a plush spa and five restaurants including AMA Sushi and Miramar Beach Bar, right above the sand.
Menus lean on California’s bounty and the Manor Bar’s playful cocktail list riffs on leading players in the Golden State’s arts and culture scene — all you need to suss is whether your tipple is a Kerouac or a Tupac …
Details Room-only doubles from £1,029 (rosewoodhotels.com)
Shutters on the Beach, Santa Monica
Shutters on the Beach was built in Arts and Crafts style
This is oceanfront city living of the highest order. Opened in its present form in 1993, the 198-room property, set across two wings, sits along a sweep of soft Santa Monica sand.
The original 1925 structure was designed as a beach club in Arts and Crafts style to emulate the region’s resort cottages and much of the original architecture remains, although the whitewashed clapboard frontage brings a little New England edge to the distinctly Californian setting.
Think hardwood floors, milky walls lined with dressers with thoughtfully placed objets d’art and soft blue accents. Balconies open to the palm-dotted sand. Inviting communal spaces — including two farm-to-table restaurants (try El Pico for Cali-style Italian classics) — encourage lingering and are elevated by works by artists such as Jasper Johns and David Hockney.
There are bikes to hop on, plus a spa for spoiling. Little wonder it appeals to the Anistons and Afflecks of the world.
Details Room-only doubles from £551 (shuttersonthebeach.com)
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