They cannot be serious.
They cannot be stopped.
Two months after winning a second consecutive World Series championship, the Dodgers have fired another destructively defiant shot across the bow of a battered baseball landscape, shredding losers and infuriating fans and raising an historically holy amount of hell.
Meet Kyle Tucker, the hottest free agent on the market, a right fielder who slugs the snot out of the ball and who is now a $60-million-a-year Dodger.
Of course he is.
Smile. Shrug. Giggle.
Tucker agreed to a four-year deal worth $240 million Thursday night, making him baseball’s highest annual salaried player just weeks after the Dodgers spent $69 million to make free agent Edwin Díaz baseball’s highest paid reliever.
And all of this, just one winter removed from the Dodgers signing top free agent pitchers Blake Snell and Roki Sasaki.
And all of that, just two years after the Dodgers signed star free agents Shohei Ohtani and Yoshinobu Yamamoto while locking up potential free agent Tyler Glasnow.
For Dodger fans, the dream continues.
For fans of every other team, the nightmare never ends.
Two years ago, the Dodgers built what appeared to be the best team ever.
Last season they built what appeared to be the best team ever, ever.
And now they’ve built quite possibly the best team ever, ever, ever.
With slugger Tucker in the mix, their batting order feels like it goes a dozen deep. With Díaz in the bullpen, their one weakness last season has been fixed as fast as you can say, “Timmy Trumpet.” And their starting rotation is already so strong, they shouldn’t even miss newly retired future Hall of Famer Clayton Kershaw.
This team could win 120 games. Check that. This team should win 120 games. Check that again. This team will probably win 97 games while they spend the regular season resting up for the playoffs.
No matter how the 2026 Dodgers finish, they are starting just as the last two Dodger teams started.
By hilariously making everyone hate.
This is a team with already such a monstrous payroll, they pay more in luxury tax than New York’s two high-priced teams combined. This is a team with individual players who earn more than some entire opposing starting lineups combined.
This is a two-time defending champion whose latest signing will be met with the same old whines from the same old chumps.
The Dodgers aren’t playing fair! The Dodgers are ruining baseball!
Actually, the Dodgers are playing totally fair, breaking no payroll rules, taking advantage of Ohtani’s incredible sponsorship impact and his massively deferred contract — he agreed to take only $2 million a year from his $700 million salary — to fund a team of all-stars around him.
And, actually, the Dodgers are totally not ruining baseball, they’re enhancing it. Last fall’s World Series ratings were up 20 percent from the previous year with Game 7 being watched by an average of 51 million viewers. That’s NFL playoff territory.
Any good drama requires a villain, and the Dodgers have been more than happy to fill that role, Manager Dave Roberts even publicly leaning into it while addressing the crowd after last fall’s National League Championship Series win over the Milwaukee Brewers.
“Before the season started, they said the Dodgers are ruining baseball,” Roberts shouted. “Let’s get four more wins and really ruin baseball!”
What they’re ruining is baseball’s current system, which favors a smart owner who is willing to reinvest the profits — hello, Dodger boss Mark Walter — over a lazy owner who won’t spend to win.
Kyle Tucker celebrates with his Chicago Cubs teammates after scoring a run against the San Diego Padres on Oct. 2.
(Michael Reaves / Getty Images)
That will surely all change after baseball’s union contract expires following this season. The owners will attempt to enact a salary cap, the players will resist, and the Dodgers will be blamed for causing some sort of labor stoppage.
So what? Who cares? If three consecutive titles blows up the game, so be it. The Dodgers’ only responsibility is to their fans, and they have more than fulfilled their civic duty, and that’s all that matters.
To those who have started bleating again about the Dodgers ruining baseball, the Dodgers owe answers only to their city, and the latest reply should be just two words.
Kyle Tucker!
They didn’t need a bat — they just won consecutive titles with a legendary lineup of bats — but they signed the best available one anyway.
Tucker is so good, during each of his last two full seasons, in 2022-2023, he had at least 29 homers and 107 RBI. He had struggled with injuries in the two seasons since, but even missing a month last year with the Chicago Cubs he still had 22 homers and 75 RBIs.
Tucker is so good, he will probably move fan favorite Teoscar Hernández from right to left field and probably move former NLCS MVP Tommy Edman from the utility man to second base and the Dodgers will be noticeably better everywhere.
Tucker is so good, while he would be arguably the best hitter on any other team he joined, he is probably only the fifth-best hitter in the Dodgers’ order
Tucker, who turns 29 on Saturday, has such a commanding left-handed hitting presence that a slowly aging and increasingly battered lineup can pretty much rest until October. Freddie Freeman, Mookie Betts, Will Smith, Max Muncy, take a couple of weeks off and see you in the fall.
Tucker celebrated his signing Thursday night with an Instagram highlight video titled, “It’s Time for Dodger Baseball.”
Indeed, it is. Anymore, it always is.
Anybody got a problem with that, go ruin yourself.
