Trump family members seem to have only two kinds of businesses.
They make mad cash by trading on daddy being president and all—see World Liberty Financial’s spectacular results at crypto grifting. Or they sell random stuff and sorta hope the Trump name carries the day—see nepo-grandbaby Kai Trump’s clothing line and so-called golf career.
Barron Trump’s newest venture is definitely the latter. The littlest and biggest Trump is launching a yerba mate beverage company, but in a real stroke of genius from the true master dealmaker—just like dad!— Barron has proudly declared that his company will only produce one beverage: a pineapple-and-coconut ready‑to‑drink yerba mate.
Dear lord, what? Have the souls of Americans been crying out for an energy drink that is basically a virgin piña colada?
Related | Crypto is the grift that keeps on giving for the Trump family
If the flavor sounds dumb, the name sounds even worse. Barron’s new bevvy is called “Sollos” because “sol” is the Spanish word for “sun,” and “los” is “sol” spelled backward, which Barron thinks symbolizes the day’s end rather than being the Spanish word for “the.”
Here’s the company explaining this over on LinkedIn, which is definitely where all super cool beverages announce their launch:
“Together, SOLLOS captures the full cycle of the sun and that ‘It Begins Where It Ends™.’”
Imagine trademarking “It Begins Where It Ends.” Also, what begins where what ends? The sun? The drink?
Also, imagine bragging that your company will only ever make just one drink.
“We didn’t set out to make a flavor lineup; we set out to make the perfect drink,” according to the breathless announcement. “Most brands launch with five flavors, hoping you’ll like one of them. We spent all of our time, energy, and resources obsessing over a single recipe until it was flawless.”
Dude, again—it’s a virgin piña colada with caffeine for people who think they’re being healthy by drinking yerba mate instead of coffee. There are already several versions of this sort of thing.
Honestly, nothing says “pretend business” more than launching with one product that duplicates things already on the market, yet vowing to have just one product.
Unsurprisingly, somehow this venture also involves a big Trump donor. Barron’s cool new business is registered to Jay Weitzman at his residence, a homey little $16 million dwelling that just so happens to be right by Mar-a-Lago. Also, Weitzman donated $25,000 to Trump’s first inauguration, and he just so happens to run Park America, which has been landing federal contracts for a couple of decades now. Cool, cool.
Related | Trump family proves grift does not skip a generation
According to Barron’s pretend company, any implication that there’s something shady at work is scurrilous, unfair nonsense, because the business is only registered there because one of Barron’s business partners is Weitzman’s grandson, and he lives there.
Sure, yeah, except that normal actual businesses that raised over $1 million dollars before manufacturing a single thing and have one owner who is the son of the literal president and is worth $150 million thanks to his share of the family crypto grift usually use professional registered agent services rather than grandpa’s house.
God, Trump is probably going to make White House visitors drink this crap, isn’t he? Hope everyone loves sickly sweet libations!
