On the Season 51 finale of Saturday Night Live, the ghost of dead child sex offender Jeffrey Epstein delivered some bad news to his “dear friend” Donald Trump: they will forever be linked, no matter what the president does to try to distract Americans.
Epstein (SNL host Will Ferrell) comes to the 79-year-old president in a dream during a midday Oval Office slumber, and the two proceed to do some catching up.
When Trump (James Austin Johnson) informs him that his approval rating is in the 30s, Epstein is disgusted.
“The 30s—gross!” he says. “Call me when it hits 17.”
Trump then asks how Epstein, in tattered, bloody clothes and a chain around his neck, is enjoying heaven. Epstein replies that it’s “really, really hot,” adding that he plays “Mahjong every Wednesday with Stalin and John Wayne Gacy.”
Epstein, who has the ability to show visions of the future, provides several about some of Trump’s current and former administration members. In six months, former Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem (Ashley Padilla) will be on the Home Shopping Network hawking a “shark wand vaccuum cleaner.”
Meanwhile, Defense Secretary Pete Hegesth (Colin Jost) at first appears to be pouring liquor down the drain, except it’s actually going into giant beer bong to be consumed by FBI Director Kash Patel (Aziz Ansari), who shills his own liquor. “A smell so strong it’ll cross your eyes,” he says. Hegseth plugs his own product: Poland Sprung, or “hard water.”
Epstein, who reveals the U.S. “came in second” in its war against Iran, then turns to Trump with a hard truth.
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“Donny, just remember: no matter how many wars you start, or how bad you tank the economy as a distraction, people will always associate you with me,” he says. “And that, my dear friend, is a beautiful thing.”
The pair then perform a duet of “Just the Two of Us,” the 1980 Bill Withers-sung track.
