Jamie Bell breaks down the devastating Half Man finale: “It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done”

Why do you think he struggles with his sexuality for such a long time? It sticks with him for essentially the whole span of the show.

I come from a small, northern, working class town. I was born in 1986, and in school and in those playgrounds in the ‘90s, I heard a lot of stuff that wasn’t so great. It was unfathomable that someone might be gay. I think about it now, and I’m sure some of those people who were saying those things probably were [gay]. Without question, probably were. And that to me is just so incredibly sad. And that’s the time. It’s handed down, generationally.

But then, very directly, it’s because Niall is kind of parasitical. He receives life force through Ruben. He only receives energy, oxygen, whatever it is that keeps him going, through this man. And therefore, to admit who he truly is to this person kills him. He doesn’t receive the life force anymore. I mean, it’s self-preservation at that point… He starves, or he thirsts, without his approval, or his attention, or his protection.

I know that Richard wrote the part specifically for you. Did he ever explain why?

I read episode six first, so really out of sequence. I then met Richard, who was out in LA for his Baby Reindeer stuff. He just told me in that meeting that he had me in mind while he was writing it, so he would’ve been thrilled [if I did it]. Which I was obviously incredibly flattered by. When I read it, I did feel like, “Oh, this is something I think I could do. I could bring something to this that would hopefully feel honest and would harness what I could bring to the table.” But he told me when I met him, basically. I didn’t know before I read it.

Did you play Niall as if there was any kind of deeper romantic infatuation with Ruben?

What I love about it is that Niall doesn’t necessarily end up as [just the] victim. He’s actually someone who is incredibly ambitious, and can be quite calculating, and deceitful, and cruel. I love that that’s where the character ended up, because in traditional storytelling, he would remain this like, “What have you done to my life?” kind of [character]. But he is very much choosing his destruction. And within that, I think there is jealousy, and envy.

I really saw him as this Ripley-esque character… He seems like this meek, mild-mannered nice guy. But really, there’s something about him which is like, “Even though you’re ten times bigger than me, and could kill me by just breathing on me, I’ll find a way to fuck you [up].”

I think that’s all in there. He wants to actually be Ruben. He wants to physically consume him. He’s desperate to have what he has, which is that Ruben is who he is unashamedly. He lives and breathes as who he is. And Niall can’t fucking handle that, because he’s 300 people all at once, and he’s not comfortable with any of them.

I mentioned to Richard, is there a pseudosexual thing underneath all of this? I think there must be, you know. I definitely think there is for sure.

Talk to me about shooting the big hospital confrontation at the end of episode four.

It was one of those [days] where you mark it on the schedule because you know that it’s coming, and it’s this big kind of beast — much like the prison scene at the end — that’s just waiting. And we had no time on the show, we had no money on the show, it’s one of those where you’d be acting in a scene, and all the lights would just turn off, and [they’d be] like, “Sorry, we just ran out of time.” [Laughs.] And I’d be like, “Do you want me to finish?” And it’s like, “We actually can’t.” But weirdly, on that day, which I think is like a 14, 15 page scene, with some physical interaction… We finished with 30 minutes to spare.