movie review
ONE NIGHT ONLY
Running time: 102 minutes. Rated R (sexual material, language, and brief nudity). In theaters Aug. 7.
A version of “The Purge” in which US singles can only legally have sex for one day a year is a good pitch.
A great pitch.
Too bad the set-up is also the funniest part of “One Night Only,” starring Callum Turner and Monica Barbaro. There’s a hearty laugh in the first few seconds when a straight-faced explainer pops up onscreen to upbeat rom-com music in front of the New York skyline.
“Three years ago, premarital sex was outlawed in the United States except for one night a year,” it abruptly says.
Ha.
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The movie, at that point, appears to be a strange and clever mashup of “Friends With Benefits” and “The Handmaid’s Tale.” Yet the giggles and ingenuity taper off. And by the end, we’ve watched something closer to “Date Night” with Tina Fey and Steve Carell — a “nothing good happens after midnight” trip with multiple underwhelming stops en route to a predictable, lovey-dovey ending.
Over a rowdy 12 hours, Owen (Turner) and Allie (Barbaro) find themselves in increasingly silly situations in a frenzy to get laid. We’ve seen better versions of this story many, many times.
But director Will Gluck’s movie adds a barely discernible dusting of sci-fi dystopia, and so the skeptical audience silently asks follow-up question after follow-up question about the preposterous circumstances.
Callum Turner and Monica Barbaro play lovebirds in “One Night Only.” Universal Pictures via AP
Congress apparently passed this law to promote traditional marriage (spouses can still get it on 24/7, 365). And as a result, every American has had an implant inserted into their arm that alerts law enforcement of rising dopamine levels that suggest they’re getting it on.
Crazy “The Purge,” about a 24-hour stretch of legalized crime, somehow comes off more realistic than “One Night Only.”
So you’re telling me it took us in the real world 20 years to fully enact the REAL ID act, but in this movie 350 million people got forced bioelectronic surgery in time before a new congressional majority could repeal the loony sex ban?
And the US government surely can’t enforce American zippers in Europe or South America. Couldn’t our randy citizens just fly to other countries to vent their frustrations?
In the film, the government has banned sex between singles except for one night a year. Universal Pictures via AP
Also why does nobody seem all that mad about having one of the most basic human functions prohibited by law? There’s an occasional “f–k the mandate!” shout here, but for the most part the annual event resembles Valentine’s Day — Champagne, flowers — only with more public make-outs.
I know what you’re saying: “Can’t you just relax and enjoy the movie?”
Nope!
Everybody enthusiastically indulges in this baby bacchanal except for the two most boring people in town — our main characters!
Owen, an uncommonly hot pizzeria owner, is about to propose to his girlfriend over a nice omakase dinner when she drops a bomb.
“I’m going to sleep with someone else tonight,” the mean GF says.
Distraught, Owen begrudgingly decides to sow his oats as a distraction.
Allie and Owen run into each other over and over again. Universal Pictures via AP
Allie, meanwhile, attends a single mingle type of party meant to help people get lucky. Her eccentric job is as a singer for TV commercials, mostly parodying songs that are frequent visitors to this genre.
One is a cover of “A Thousand Miles” . . . for the product Vagi-Clear.
Allie wants more than a quick tumble in the sack. She wants to forge a meaningful connection. Of course she does.
Perhaps she’ll finally get her genuine spark with Owen. After an awkward meet-cute (in this instance, a meet-puke) in the street, the pair keep running into each other at a bodega, a police station, etc.
Their journey is much like driving on a highway through the Midwest — smooth and all corn.
Can’t you feel this gradually transforming into every rom-com ever?
Charlie Gillespie in a scene from “One Night Only.” Universal Pictures via AP
What prevents “One Night Only” from becoming bad sex is the chemistry between Turner and Barbaro. Their energy is flirty and warm, even if it’s rather suspect that the two hottest people in this purported sex comedy are the ones least interested in sex. They coaxed a few smiles out of me. We want them to wind up together, but we also know they will, for we are not total morons.
If you’re a New Yorker, the timing of this movie about the five boroughs going loco is rather unfortunate.
Last month, Game 5 of the NBA Finals showed what an unrestrained, euphoric city-wide party looks like. Come to think of it, it looked like “The Purge”!
How could the one 12-hour period a year where unmarried people can hook up not be similarly riotous? I suspect because the standard romantic comedy budget doesn’t allow them to be.
Quite by accident, Gluck’s routine film ends up resembling so many of the one night stands it’s about: A fantastic plan at first, but an unsatisfying let-down in the light of day.
