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From left: Peter Deiwick, Callum Lurie and Paige Foskett in We Will Rock You at the CAA Ed Mirvish Theatre.Dahlia Katz/Mirvish/Supplied
- Title: We Will Rock You
- Written by: Queen, Ben Elton and Steve Bolton
- Directed by: Steve Bolton
- Performed by: Callum Lurie, Paige Foskett, Laurence Champagne, Patrick Olafson, Peter Deiwick, Maggie Lacasse and Caleb Ajao
- Company: Mirvish Productions
- Venue: CAA Ed Mirvish Theatre
- City: Toronto
- Year: Runs until Jan. 18
I’ve done my sentence: I sat through all just-under-three-hours of We Will Rock You, the Queen-inspired fever dream about AI, the fall of humanity and, seemingly, the perils of what can happen when a theatrical production has more budget than taste.
I’m of the belief that I committed no crime – other than being The Globe’s theatre reporter. But if that’s not true, please, universe, accept my apologies and penance.
Because in We Will Rock You, there are no champions. (Hey, if I had to sit through three hours of tortured Queen puns, you have to read at least a few of them.) Ben Elton’s book – adapted by Steve Bolton, who also executive produced, directed and choreographed this production – is horrendous, a thin and nonsensical mishmash of ideas. Vanessa Borris’s costume designs leave the villain looking like a Power Ranger, and the hero looking like a Book of Mormon ensemble member who’s just been shoved through a paper shredder.
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From left: Foskett, Lurie, Caleb Ajao and Laurence Champagne star in the jukebox musical.Dahlia Katz/Mirvish/Supplied
Bad jukebox musicals – shows that use an existing artist’s catalogue of music to construct its score – happen, and more often than you’d hope. Normally, they’re made salvageable by the performances onstage – the triple-threats whose acting talents elevate a weak script to new heights, and whose singing voices honour the icons whose silhouettes grace the marquee and merch stands.
But that doesn’t happen here. The We Will Rock You cast isn’t terrible – there are a few impressive vocal moments for Callum Lurie, Paige Foskett and Maggie Lacasse – but they’re not consistent enough to rescue a techno-babble script whose dialogue sounds an awful lot like radio ga ga.
It’s worth noting that this production of We Will Rock You, in all its updated anti-glory, comes from the Quebec-based production company Gestev. In Quebec, the show has been performed with French dialogue and English lyrics. In Toronto, the whole thing is in English – with the exception of a few rogue Quebec swears on opening night.
I’ve avoided summarizing the plot because, to be honest, I’m only half-certain of what this version of We Will Rock You is actually about. We’re in the future, and Galileo (Lurie) is either a human or an AI chatbot-in-training. (After sleeping on it, I’m still not sure.)
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The show was adapted from Ben Elton’s book and runs until Jan. 18.Dahlia Katz/Mirvish/Supplied
Recently, Galileo reveals, he’s been receiving mental transmissions from the past – intrusive thoughts in the form of Britney Spears lyrics and Queen riffs. (Why Britney Spears? Isn’t this a Queen musical?)
Soon enough, Galileo sings his “I want” song — I Want to Break Free, obviously — and meets Scaramouche (Foskett), a similarly square peg in the round hole that is Globalsoft, the evil corporation that runs the world in the distant future (and which totally isn’t Microsoft).
Globalsoft doesn’t tolerate individuality particularly well, and so its leader, the armoured-unitard-wearing Killer Queen (Lacasse), decides to go after the young lovebirds, using her goon Khashoggi (Patrick Olafson) as muscle. But Galileo and Scaramouche have a new group of friends on their side – the Bohemians, a group (of humans? Rogue AI chatbots? Still unclear) that longs for the rock ‘n’ roll trappings of the past.
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It then becomes clear that Galileo is not the prophet he thought he was. No – a member of the Bohemians apparently downloaded the archives of Globalsoft into his head (?) in order to … do something? Probably? The aspirations of the antagonists are never clear, and the activities of the Bohemians – during which non-Black ensemble members seem to be dressed as Tina Turner and Prince – aren’t particularly cogent, either.
The second act is not only less coherent than the first, but also more boring – and not once do even its more salient points about the dangers of AI feel particularly groundbreaking. Besides that, the whole thing repeatedly punches down at the young people who use TikTok, which is not itself AI, a nuance I’m not entirely convinced the show understands.
The songs are good: They’re Queen. The romantic leads kiss at the end: It’s a musical. Nothing is surprising about We Will Rock You except, perhaps, the bright green glowsticks handed out at the front door, making the CAA Ed Mirvish Theatre feel a bit like a modem with thousands of flashing green lights.
Of course, if you’re a Queen fan, your mileage may vary. The same was true of MJ, playwright Lynn Nottage’s Michael Jackson musical, which similarly made me wonder if the CAA Ed Mirvish Theatre is somehow cursed by the ghost of good musicals past. Truly, I hope this one works better for you than it did for me.
Oh well. As they say: big disgrace.
